We have all had the experience of the classic knock knock at the door when we are eating food after a hard days work and as we answer we are greeted by the over smiling person with an eager energy wanting to connect with us in some way.

It is definitely true that many of the people in this world who are being collected for, such as children, victims of trauma or animals, who may not be able to help themselves and are maybe in need of maybe financial support that the collectors are asking for – but when does asking become guilt tripping and if done how would we know the difference?

Here are some tips to watch out for

1. Their energy is really high! Now although this may on the onset may look like enthusiasm, it is actually a power play for control. When we answer the door we will be in neurtal energy and their high energy will tend to break rapport and possibly intimidate giving them power.

2. The huge smile! Another power play intended to give us the impression that they are genuine because who wants to refuse a happy person? But if it is false – the chances are they are too.

3. They give you a free gift to hold while they talk! CLASSIC MANIPULATION! If somebody gives us a gift, the usual feeling is to reciprocate and want to give them something back ie money. They may rely on this to make you feel indebted to them. If you do not give them money they may look at you as if to say “well I gave you something, why are you not giving back? Do not fall for this!

4.They exercise authority! When people are knocking on doors the fear of rejection will quickly wear off as they will be so used to it and when a collector gets used to this they may start to try to overpower and control using all manner of guilt, disappointment, over nice and even anger – if you feel intimidated, close the door and report them!

5. Graphic pictures! There are many tragedies in this world and many we don’t even realise; sometimes a charity may use graphic images to trigger your fear and to feel pity to give to the cause. If you feel disturbed by the images and really do want to give, take a day to think about it and then make a donation rather that giving from fear and guilt.

It is good to help people less fortunate than ourselves especially if those people or animals in need can’t help themselves. Giving from the heart is what makes the difference, but when we start to give from fear and guilt, we are in a lose-lose situation.