How to deal with rejection from a lover
Rejection is a strange situation to experience for anybody, and just like fingerprints no two will be the same. For some people it can leave them devastated for days, weeks, months or even years, but yet for others somebody walking out on them or even being cheated on is simply water of a ducks back and they get o with their lives as if nothing has happened. So what is it that allows these two opposites to occur? Genetics? Possibly, but that’s not what we are going to cover here.
If we are to fully understand the pain around rejection, we must first look at the persons life before the relationship and also how they see the world or their perception.
Firstly a persons life before the relationship can have a huge impact on why they get into it in the first place, if for example they get together because they do not want to be alone then there is always a high risk of there being high pressure on the other to fulfil the others ongoing needs, pressure being things such as demands on time, constant texting/calls and ongoing questions, this eventually leading to the other person wanting to escape
Secondly the persons perception, so they believe they are unlovable? Not desired? Unwanted? If any of these are at the back of a persons mind then fear of losing their current lover will weigh heavy in their thoughts, leading them to act in a manner which is not who they are, eventually causing confusion.
So the above is a possible cause of rejection but how do people who suffer its crippling blow come to terms with it? Well the answer is above in what we have covered.
The pain in 90% of people comes from losing somebody that they rely on for something, such as company, love, sex, fun, etc and then if that person was to go and the rejected person was to feel alone, unlovable and unable to get anybody else because they are not good enough, then they have not just lost a partner but a whole lifestyle, leaving them as if their whole world has crashed.
The solution to this does not need to be drawn out or complicated but in a simple answer, pain in rejection comes more from looking at “what else have we lost” rather than just a lover. This is why people can love again because it is not always the partner that we miss but all the lifestyle that we create together. The people who move on quickly are the people who realise this and look to build their lifestyle back again rather than the fear that they cannot as nobody will want them again.
If you have ever been through this or are going through pain right now, ask what it is that you feel you have lost…
on September 28th, 2010 at 9:59 am
Interesting article Paul. I also think that this great gaping hole that suddenly appears in someone’s life can be due to the fact that they think no-one ever again will bring them what this person did. They have or had something very special and nothing else will come close. Of course, as you say in your article, their response to this event will depend on their own expectations of the relationship, and their own conditioning, but it’s very very easy to get sucked in to this sense of complete one-ness with another being, even if you are determined to be very aware. Losing this brings a sense of having lost a part of oneself, and is often very akin to the grief that is felt when a loved one dies. But at the end of a relationship, closure can sometimes be difficult to achieve, perhaps hanging on in the hope that they’ll come back, etc? Perhaps another article there for you to explore???
on October 1st, 2010 at 3:35 pm
Hello Jean
Im glad you found it interesting, and yes i fully agree the feeling of a huge gap appearing is what millions of people all over the world feel everyday. i have just written another article on the area you mentioned.
I hope you find it of use
Regards
Paul Ryder