How to stop the office bully
An office bully, or any bully for that matter can make their victims life a living nightmare if they are allowed to. Although it is sometimes hard to define how the bully is abusing another person, it is essential to nip it in the bud as quickly as possible
Bullies will bully if they are allowed to of that there is no doubt, but how does a person stop them from abusing them?
The general bully tactic is to “silently abuse” the victim with a comment that could be perceived as a joking comment to others but will hurt the victims feeling and may trigger inner fears of rejection. With this style of abuse if the victim tries to fight back, the bully can turn around and say they were only joking and/or say the victim is being soft, giving the impression to the victim that they are weak and the others do not act this way, the victim may then feel self conscious and back down feeling out of place.
There are many ways to stop the bully in their tracks, but a great one is to “out smooth” them. This technique means to be respectful to them and acknowledge them but do not try to gain their attention by speaking to them in a let’s be friends manner.
One response when a bully attacks their victims is the victim will attempt to do anything to be the bully’s friend, thereby if they are their friend, they will stop attacking them. However this is exactly what the bully wants to do as it is a great way for them to feel wanted and focused on. If the bully is spoken to as a person (acknowledged) but not desired as a person (a friend) they may feel rejected themselves and stop doing the actions which are causing the pain, in this case, bullying the victim. Another way to do this is to acknowledge the bully as a person but show significantly more attention to other people who are friendly. Bully’s fear rejection more than anything!
It is essential to asses the situation before trying this tactic, it has had fantastic results with my clients who have tried the talking to” and “reasoning” tactics with no result as the bully feels even more desired
on April 24th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
How do I stop being an office bully ?
on April 24th, 2009 at 11:10 pm
Hi Doreen
Firstly it takes a huge amont of confidence to admit that!
I guess to answer as effectively as possible it would depend on what role you have there, as in are you a manageress? or part of the main team? (if they are not one of the same)
Have a look at what it is you are trying to achieve by treating people in that way….
Asses is this what you really want to be like in the office?
Look upon the others for their good points and look to see how you could like them as good friends as work is a long time to be there if your not happy….
Feel free to ask any more questions if this hasnt covered it in enough detail though, id be glad to offer all the help i can