The thought of somebody leaving that we have grown together with in any area of our lives is not a pleasant one unless we have a certain mindset or live in cultures that teach about letting go, but for the majority of the world, somebody leaving when we feel close and connected to them is not the easiest pill to swallow – more so if this is a lover.

Although we are close to our friends and family and love them with every part of who we are, it is a totally different connection to that of a lover. A lover is another person who we become intimately connected to in an exclusive way because of the addition of sex (or making love) allowing ourselves to be vulnerable after the act of sex or an orgasm opens the trust we all desire to a new level. By being venerable I do not mean a one night stand or an affair where the risks of rejection are high, but a connection to the exclusion of everybody else for that moment in time.

The greatest pain is usually not that they have gone, but rather than the fact that we have lost a person who we perceive accepts us in a world usually ruled by fear (fear as in the talk shows on TV, the violence portrayed by the media and the aggression we face each and everyday as the employment world demands more and raises pressure upon those around us.
For those people who have felt the euphoria of being “in love” will know the beautiful feeling it brings with it each and everyday and that realisation that we feel totally and 100% unconditionally acceptable by our significant other, a feeling that lights up others around that persons and appears to heal where pain once existed.

But in all truth, imagine the pain as we fall from having the belief that we are totally valued, loved, accepted, desired and lusted after, back into a world of rushing faceless masses who are thinking about home when they are at work and at work when they are at home and 9 times out of 10 are too busy to give us the undivided attention that our lover showered us with a short time before.

Denial is the first response to pain and loss and is the minds way of protecting our sanity, but the only way to move through the pain that crushes the air from our very lungs when we feel pain from a lover leaving is to see what it is we really have lost, which is acceptance.

The question which allows us to be free once more is – Do you believe you can be accepted like that ever again? The truth is you can, but the choice is yours…